Tuesday, July 19, 2016


I don't even know where to begin besides by saying I am beautiful! 
The above statement might be obvious for some, but for me, it's something I've struggled with for a long time. A very long time. I get nervous if the scale says 132 and begin freaking out when it hits 135 or above. My goal has been 115 for a while, but I can't ever seem to get there and that's when I start mentally or physically beating myself up. Some people are well-intentioned and might be able to get me to eat a big meal when I don't feel like it by talking to me about how little I eat, but it always makes me feel worse inside because I can't handle the stress of people commenting on my eating at all, even if it's funny at the time. I'll just overthink it inwardly or at a later time.
I look in the mirror and see myself as pretty, but then I begin to point out my flaws. People say I look really young, but why can't I see that? Why do I look so old and worn out to myself, but not to others? Sometimes I can look ok, and occasionally pretty when I put makeup on correctly, but even then... 
Well, I don't think I can just end with that because after today I believe things are going to be way different! Here's my journal entry from 10:43 p.m.;

" I asked God to help me see myself how He sees me when I look in the mirror, and now it just seems like I only picture God holding my face in His hands when He made me and Him molding me perfectly. I picture Him looking at me with such adoration and just seeing how much He thinks of me by the look in His eyes and on His face. I'm beautiful to Him and He created me beautifully!
I just keep thinking over and over again of my face in His hands. Tonight that's all I see when I look in the mirror and it's beautiful! I am beautiful!
Each stage of life He's not only molding my spirit but holding my face in His hands and molding it into what's unique and beautiful to Him!"

I am smiling for real now! My smile is beautiful to Him and now it's even beautiful to me! I think of other's now and can just see God looking at them the same way. He created my daughter and is holding her face in His hands too. My God is awesome! He is the Creator of creators and the only maker of true beauty! :)

How do I know God is real? Because He's the only One that could even change my mindset in this area. I've read, talked to people, and thought about it so many times trying to change, but only my Father could truly make me feel beautiful! He's looking at me smiling right now, I'm sure! My God loves me and I'm falling in love with Him more and more every moment. His mercy and grace are so overwhelming at times, as they should be!
I've never longed for the day when I can actually feel His hands holding my face, and telling me how beautiful I am to Him, so much. I'm ready to see Him and give Him a big hug!
I just can't get over this and really hope I don't!
 Read Psalm 139 - KJV

Friday, July 1, 2016

I'm Thankful For...

1 Chronicles 16:8 KJV says,
 " Give thanks unto the Lord, call
upon his name, make known his
deed among the people. "

God blesses us to get glory. I have to ask myself if God is getting glory from all He's done for me, because I think it's so easy to just take everything for granted and not realize how much we've been blessed with until we end up losing it. What you aren't grateful for, you probably aren't going to take great care of, and what you don't take great care of you will eventually lose or have taken away.
Give thanks for the things God has given you. I hate to be cliche, but if you woke up with everything you thanked God for today, what would you wake up with? I'm preaching to me on this one! I am going to make a short list of 10 things I am extremely grateful for and I encourage you to do the same thing on a blog, in a journal, on a Facebook page, or just in your prayers. Let God know how grateful you are for everything you've been blessed with! :D

1. I'm thankful that God took my fear away! I use to think I was unloved, going to Hell for all the wrong I'd done, and that Jesus would never forgive me. Any time I begin to doubt that this peace I feel is real I just have to point to the fear I used to have and I can praise God that it's all gone because He forgave and continues to forgive me! :D

2. I'm thankful for the unending grace, mercy, and forgiveness from my Heavenly Father because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ has and is becoming more real to me everyday!

3. I'm thankful for the guidance of the Holy Spirit! When I am uncertain I can just pray and wait on Him to lead me and He will always come through when I am in His will.

4. I'm thankful for the friends that God sends along that don't judge me for my past or for where I am, but instead encourage me to just grow closer to Christ because it's right there that I can be totally transformed and renewed and where I can get my life in the order that God would want it to be in.

5. I'm thankful for all the great Christian materials out in the world whether books, blogs, music, or even a simple tract. They are greatly encouraging when the right one is found.

6. I'm thankful for my little Autumn Marie Habegger, because without her I don't think I would have realized the unconditional love that a parent has for a child. I have done so, so much wrong and definitely don't deserve this beautiful little baby!
 A gentleman pointed out to me how much more my Heavenly Father loves me compared to the love I have for my baby. God's love is perfect and mine definitely isn't! Wow! That makes me want to cry right now! I cannot even fully comprehend His amazing love for me - and for you too! :D

7. I'm thankful for what God is doing in my family. Family members getting saved, surrendering to preach, working hard day after day, raising children, and just being great family members in general! :) <3

8. I'm thankful for what God is doing in my life. I have had two great internships the last 2-3 months, and though they are about to end, I have met some amazing people and I know God will provide for this next step of my life. I will be starting class soon to learn the Call Center trade stuff. I'm so, so thankful because I passed my HSE - only because of prayer and hard work! I should've and could've worked harder on trying to get a higher score, but I'm just thankful I passed.

9. I'm thankful for a creative, imaginative God that didn't just make us all robotic and alike. We each have our own talents and no talent is to small to bring glory and honor to God.
All the colors in the world are beautiful! Think about it... If God would have made everything black and white then I wouldn't be able to be so happy when I saw a vibrant, bright, yellow dandelion! Did I mention I am thankful for dandelions? :p

10. I'm thankful that God is teaching me to see myself how He sees me! I really am beautiful without starving myself, having to have somebody tell me, and when I have a bad day. I am God's creation - His princess - and I wouldn't trade that for the world!